R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
