4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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