Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
