my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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