So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
