my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
babies were throwing up all over the place
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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