dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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