got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
