the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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