Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just found puke in my bra..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
