just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
