wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
