Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize