I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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