I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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