I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
