I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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