I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
