Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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