Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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