Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
