Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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