I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
