Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
