i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
