hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
even my farts smell like vagina
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
