made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You may now shotgun with the bride
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
