About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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