Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
