Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize