This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
