I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
