Don't you send me to vm
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
