Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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