I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
