She's JV to your varsity
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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