I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
