At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
