Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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