Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
