Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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