Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
