I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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