i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
