What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have aggressive nipples.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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