So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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