I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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