Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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