I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
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I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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