I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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