It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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