So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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