i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize