I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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