just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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