there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
