Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
