No stitches, just platelets and will power
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
