Tell her she can't have a vagina
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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