At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
