Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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