I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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