i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
