Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
