What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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